Tuesday, May 23, 2006
For you who matters
i can't stop thinking abt him. i really can't. gosh. i really really want to stop, but i really really can't. i'm sorry.. but it sometimes just drives me nuts, knowing that he's nearby, but yet oh so far away.
jus flipped thru my diary, and realised tat we lasted for all but 2 flips of the pages. time for regrets? for pain? for nostalgia? i dunno, but it jus makes me really sad.
but in this mad confusion of life, how do u ever know who's the one for you? why must there be only one by the way? but why do we always go on this quest to find the one for us? who is the one? wat makes him the one? a feeling? an emotion? tat is more often than not irrational?
but then why do we also always pursue logic and rationality (is there such a word?)? then if u marry leh? how do u know that he will be the one? isn't it sad if one day u were to wake up and discover to your horror that the man or lady sleeping next to u isn't the one u were meant to be with? what if 10yrs back you really truely believe that he or she was the one for you, but now u discovered that he or she wasn't? then what would u do? would u regret it? would u go and find the one tat u shld be with? while living a lie cos u don't love him anymore? but for the sake of your family, u stay with each other? or do u stay cos of the comfort level, or cos u don't want to cause any hurt? but in doing so u yourself are unhappy and start to resent this sort of relationship and life?
whatever happened to good ol fashioned love and romance? why is it so hard to find tat special someone? what if we found tat someone and he wasn't meant to be yours? what if you found him but didn't know it was him? and u missed your chance to happiness? but wait, why does being with the one guarantee happiness? what if it doesn't bring u happiness?
sigh. i don't know. i wish i did. at least it might clear up some space in my head.
speaking of spaces in heads, i went for the launch of the t-rex exhibition at science centre cos my mom's a board member. so me and fion went along cos it was free anyway. hmmm i finally got to see our president up close and personal and in my heart i was thanking him for not growing the grass at sentosa properly such that i ended up slipping on a patch without grass and dislocated my knee. grrr. but he's still a nice fella who really cares for his grandkids.
so anyway i was one of the privileged few to see Sue and Stan, tho they were just casts of the skeletons and had spaces in their heads. but i guess no one would really want to meet them if they were in the flesh, alive and breathing. imagine...in one bite they can chomp off 230kg of meat and bones.. so to them, i'm jus but a tiny morsel..a snack..a potato chip.. for once i feel light and insignificant.
And yes, compared to alot of other things, we are but small insignificant specks, which will diminish with the unrelentless force of time. But it doesn't change the fact that u still matter lots and lots to me. Miss u much.
thinking out loud at 2:18 PM
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