Tuesday, June 27, 2006
because i accept because i love.
its the 27th today, and would have been our 3rd mth together. wah. 3rd only leh, seems like a really long time ago since we first got together?? hahha but yet fast too, cos we've really been thru quite a bit since the beginning of this year, haven't we? i feel like its the end of the year already and i'm taking stock of wat has happened. but nope..guess wat guys, we're only in June..another halfway more to go! hmmm which also means..tat it would have been my 4? 4.5th year with my ex ex? hahha. watever.
been thinking lots abt life, and love. one thing i learnt is the importance of acceptance. when u accept, u understand, and then u empathise, and then u compromise, and forgive. when u accept, both yourself and the other party, you accept each others faults, appreciate the good in each other and urself. u're at peace with urself, and with your partner.
loving someone to me means many things. loving someone means its easy for you to accept and overlook their faults, and having the ability to always want the best for tat someone, and wanting to make the other party happy, cos when they are happy, u'd be happy too. its unconditional. and u always are wondering if that person is at his best at every moment. if u love someone, you love that someone simply cos u love him. and there is nothing else the other person needs to do for you to love him. cos u already do. no other explanation is required.
but accepting yourself helps u remember that u're still the most impt person in ur own life, and u won't be blaming urself when things go wrong. yes, maybe there were things u could have done better. yes, maybe there were things that u shld or shldn't have done. yes, maybe this, maybe that. maybe.
the pt is..one of the keys to love is simply acceptance. accepting tat u are human and make mistakes, that other ppl are but human, and their so called failings are part of the fact tat they are human. so actually, these failings aren't failings at all. and we have to accept tat abt ourselves and others.
u accept tat there are times things will go wrong, times when things will go right, times tat when things are bad, it can only turn for the better, etc etc etc. accepting that u can't please anyone and everyone, or even urself 100% of the time, tat others can't do the same for you, etc etc etc. u accept tat there are times u will let others down, and that sometimes ppl will disappoint u, tat ur friends lil habits are nothing more than habit, tat u've got nasty habits tat ur frens hate but jus accept it anyway, etc etc etc. accepting tat wats meant to be is meant to be, tat things may never ever go the way u want it too, tat the worst case scenario u thot of turned out worse than u thot, or tat the expectation tat u had turned out even better than u had hoped, even if it means u'd have to accept the fact tat u might have to wait out a lil longer than u expected.
i'm still trying to figure something out tho. on one hand, u shld only answer to urself, cos u're the only one living ur own life. but yet, i can't jus be selfish and not bother abt others ard me. cos they in one way or another constitute me as a person. i know tat i shld be selfish, and jus concentrate on making myself happy, but then when others matter alot to u, i can't help but ignore me and concentrate on them so tat maybe they'd feel a lil better, have a nicer day, or something. jus like how i can't jus say screw it all! i'm migrating! i'm leaving this place! bah i don't care about all of this anymore! and jus drop everything now and do as i please. cos i've got to answer to many ppl, even tho theoretically, i don't really have to.
so...once again..balance is the key? jialat. so many keys tat we have to hold on to. how will we ever remember which key is for wat? and which key to come in first? why is everything so complicated? or is it me complicating things?
watched cars jus now, and wat came to mind was how things always seem so simple, and always work out so well in the end. which i think, is really sweet and good but my god, compared to wat i go thru, its UNREALISTICALLY UNREAL. things don't always work out tat well! there isnt such a thing called a perfect ending. maybe cos there isn't such a thing, tat we always try to create it somewhere (like in movies) to create hope? maybe.
well anyways it was a nice show, amazing graphic work (i thot the flea in the spoof of a bug's life was super cute), hahha and yes i'm probably one of the last few ppl to catch the movie. heh.
was so stressed at work today, cos of a scare, which was quickly overcome with indignance. hahah. watever.
i accept my fate. but not resign myself to it. somehow i rem having this conversation abt accepting vs resigning fate. there is a difference, remember?
thinking out loud at 11:47 PM
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