Saturday, June 24, 2006

/e6

one happy thing yest: big boss said he was impressed by my previous report..so he finally realises i do do work ard the office..cos am speaking to my boss now and he told me..so quite glad la, and cos he once again stood up for me lor.

not sure wat today holds..then again i haven't been sure wat each day holds or will bring. u noe how sometimes u wake up feeling extraordinarily happy and knowing wat to expect? i miss tat feeling.

its raining once again. it sounds like its going to storm cos the wind is hitting against the windows really hard and making it shake. kinda scary. makes u wanna dive deep and huddle under the covers and just hide there til u poke ur nose out and see tat everything is indeed ok.

been writing quite a bit these few days. seems tat writing is the only way for me now to get things off my chest. don't really wanna burden my frens with stuff, cos not very fair la. tho they always say tat its ok with them and tat they'd always be there. yeah i know, and thank you for tat, but still not very nice la.

so when i write, its not as much for ppl to read how i feel, but more so for me to jus throw watever i am feeling at this pt out. still feeling abit funny cos a few of my frens said tat i'm no longer the girl i used to be. like..duh..obviously ma..yes, maybe i've mellowed even more, quietened down and have become somewat a shadow of my normal self, but i can't pretend and act like i'm ok when i'm not right?

lets not talk abt wats happening now. at any other time, if something were to happen to me, and i were still reeling in from wat happen, i'd also not be like who i used to be in front of everyone wat. i'm still who i am. just tat its a diff side of me, tats all. a side that i don't really show, or get a chance to show, or just don't really want to show?

i don't really like to spoil other ppl's mood too, but sometimes u're so caught up in ur own emotions u can't help it de lor. its really very xin ku to have to pretend to be happy, bubbly, cheery when u're not leh. and when u have to deal with urself, the last thing u wanna deal with is other ppl's expectations of u, or how u shld be like, especially in difficult times. i don't need sympathy, i really don't cos i'm not dead yet nor is anyone else, tho empathy would be enough, or just accepting and understanding that i'm going thru alot out now, and that your company is more than enough for me cos i do realise tat all of u want me to be ok and have best intentions. but i mean, i can't help but think of wat happened wat..or think of him wat..or miss him wat..i'm human ok..as human as they come.

bleah watever. jus gonna write wat i wanna write, do wat i wanna do and try to preoccupy this extremely, over zealous and hardworking mind i have. and tat includes thinking, missing, reminiscing but trying hard to also look for me, for confronting my fears and insecurities, for recognising all that i'm worth, being a good friend to my friends cos they've actually been very supportive and just very sweet, and for wat matters and wat doesn't. and yes i'm going to continue missing and thinking abt you for some time. and there isn't anything u can do abt it, cos i like thinking abt u, so tats jus wat i'll do. whahahaha =0p

on a side note: happy thing today? actually more of a funny thing la. fren and me ended up buying the exact same dress, in same size, same price (heng raffles city no discount man), just at diff times (but in a matter of 4 days?), diff place, diff occassion (but we're wearing it for 2 different weddings). so qiao right? hahah interestingly, she was jus describing it to me and i was telling her abt the dress i bought too. eheh. wat can i say...great minds think alike..hahha

saw this test on fren's blog so went to try it out. surprise surprise. don't quite know wat to make of it.

◎Your life is represented by the lucky diamond, courageous and organized. You can make a fortune with your great talent and creativity. You like people who is well-behaved and wise and you also live an elegant life with good taste, which makes you an unique person of artistic temperament.

◎Your characteristics, subconscious, and behavior modes, according to your fate and destiny, are represented by the diamond, not only pretty, yet with femininity. You were born naturally elegant and will enjoy a comfortable lifestyle with a great taste in life. Diamonds are often brightly displayed in glass cabinet, so you have the extraordinary qualities of an artistic spirit, and are often pampered and treated as the center of attention This may lead you to have fickle, lazy characteristics. Others feel you are not easy to get along with because you are quickly unhappy when your idea isn't followed, and you don't apologize.

The diamond has the highest degree of hardness, so you may be a bit stubborn but also full of justice and fairness. You like intelligent people with artistic talent and dislike hypocrites. You admire those who are willing to sacrifice and dedicate themselves to others with a sense of justice. In your entire life, many individuals are destined to help you in the difficult times because of your previous charitable acts and virtuous character. You are able to live a good life in the present life, so keep this in mind and always help others.

◎There is a background difference between you and your love partner, so it's not easy for him to really understand you. The things you care about he might think totally unimportant and vice versa, so you tend disagree easily over small things.

◎In romance, you are easily attracted to someone you admire in your heart, but you often end up empty-handed because you are too shy to go after him. Generally speaking, men do not have deep first impression of you, so they need time to discover your inner beauty. You, however, tend to like a person at the first sight. Therefore, if you are still waiting for a good romance, try to show your inner beauty by doing more activities, establishing better habits, and socializing with more people. This way you can express your inner beauty naturally all the time, which makes your romance go more smoothly.

In the journey of life, your romantic or marriage partner might be introduced by relatives and friends, or through matchmaking. You tend to be inexperienced in love, unable to express yourself, and do not know how to actively pursue someone without being too sticky or giving up easily. You have opportunities but are afraid to get hurt, so eventually it is not easy for you to have the spark of love. If you are still seeking your love partner don't rush because someone nearby likes you, so as long as you sincerely give a little hint, the happiness is right beside you.

◎Career and Wealth Analysis: You know how to make money, but it is not easy for you to hold onto your money.

◎According to your destiny analysis, you know how to make money, but it is not easy for you to hold onto your money. Your life is more philosophical, so you are not stingy with yourself, family or friends. You spend what you have even when you are financially tight, and are generous when you are financially comfortable. Because of this, it's not easy for you to save your money.

In addition, you maybe convinced easily by friends to make some financial investments that cause you to lose money. You like to make many friends, so you easily lose money if you cannot evaluate risk or reject people when they approach you for investment. You will spend most of your wealth doing things you want to do throughout life because you consider only money spent as the wealth actually owned by you. Afterwards, you will bequest most of your wealth to your descendants.

thinking out loud at 12:51 AM


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