Monday, June 19, 2006
Part 1, 2, 3, 4
Read this somewhere, thot it made sense, so thot i'd share this. kinda lengthy tho..hahha. but it made me think twice, even 3 times abt wat i've done, and wat i'll do next time round. there's more where this came from, jus extracted and typed in excerpts here and there, cos i'm tired. anyways...
- Part 1 -
Its time for a reality check.
You're only human and you make mistakes.
You also hurt others.
Although its hard to admit, you hurt others intentionally, and you hurt them the most when you deny tat you did it.
Your parents weren't perfect. they weren't always wise, giving and understanding,
Your parents weren't complete monsters or total idiots either. they did the best as they saw tat best from their view point.
just like you.
In your most recent disagreement, you were partly wrong, even if you didn't want to admit it.
you can be petty when you are insecure, totally withholding when you doubt yourself, and hateful, unsupportive and vengeful when u feel desperate.
You are also capable of being brave, giving, loving, understanding and compassionate.
whatever you are, just admit it.
admit ur humanness, its always a sign of strength.
-Part 2 -
The surest way to become unhappy is to keep your hurt inside.
If there is a secret to mental health, this is it: tell the people who hurt you they hurt you when they hurt you.
Hurt is the pain of the moment. Hurt is happening right now. Its cause is right in front of you. Hurt speaks for itself, motivating you to limit your pain.
Withheld hurt turns into anger. Anger helps you express your hurt by energizing you to protect yourself.
When you hold in hurt, you redirect your anger at yourself. It serves no positive purpose. It only makes you think of getting even, fills your head with bad thoughts, and erodes your self confidence as you begin to doubt yourself.
Obviously the only anger that makes sense is still attached to the hurt that caused it.
You need to learn to express your hurt as it happens.
Telling someone how he or she hurt you can be risky, because the person who hurt you is probably someone you care about.
What if the other person says he or she hurt you out of anger because of being hurt by you? Its a good time to discover the truth, clear the air, and become friends again.
What if the other person can't remember hurting you or simply denies that the hurtful event ever took place?
He or she may be teling the truth, because most people do not hurt others intentionally. When you are silent, it is sometimes hard for others to recognize that you’ve been hurt.
Expressing your hurt sometimes puts your love or friendship on the line. It always tests your love for yourself.
It is always the right thing to do in any relationship that you value.
Express your hurt as simply and as directly as possible when you first notice it.
Tell the other person how you were hurt. You can mention that you are angry, but don't display the anger or attack. That will only hurt the other person, who won’t be able to listen, making things worse.
Whatever you do, don't allow your hurt to age.
If you cannot express your hurt to another person, you cannot express your love, for old anger blocks positive feelings.
If you value your love, you need to express your hurt.
Holding in hurt is the way that love dies.
- Part 3 -
Anger is the memory of being hurt.
Being angry is just proof that you didn't complete the job of expressing your hurt when it first occurred
You're responsible for speaking your feelings, but expressing anger is always a problem. Its hard to express anger without hurting someone else. The best way to express anger is to show your hurt.
If you push away your feelings to protect yourself, you become less real, less connected to your best. Even if you conceal your pain, you still act hurt and angry. You become sensitive to hurt and you seem irritable with others. Your hidden feelings speak indirectly.
Protecting another person from your hurt and angry feelings is just another way of alienating them. The longer you protect them, the more alienated you will feel.
After a while, you won't feel joy in the right places, and when others ask what is wrong, you won't even be able to begin to tell them. It will seem like such a complicated old story.
You need to be free of anger to love. When love is coated with anger, it doesn't feel like love. When anger is coated with love, it still feels like the anger.
-Part 4-
When a dark memory returns, don't fight it.
Permit the intrusion without regret.
Let the memory or old feeling have its way with you.
The sadness of a lost love, a rebuke or betrayal, or a hurt that cut deeply left you wounded. It returns, takes your breath away, gives you pause.
Measure the depth of the hurt, but from the safe distance time provides.
Know that because the hurt is past, the resentment will cool.
Don't push the painful feeling or memory away.
If you let it through without resisting it, it will pass.
Push it away and it wil build, seeking the expression it needs to relieve the old pressure.
That is the way of old pain, pressing to the surface til it fades. Old pain comes in waves.
How can u stop a wave?
Ride the reappearance of your old emotions, but don't try to hold them back. You'll use up your energy, lose faith in yourself, doubt your strength and wholeness and ruin your day.
Let the old hurt pass, acknowledging all that it means, and in a moment, it will be gone. The hurt is diminished, and so is the likelihood of return.
The moment is returned to you.
~by david viscott
thinking out loud at 12:32 AM
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