Wednesday, July 26, 2006
why liddat..
discovered..tat i kinda like driving at night..
its like..one of the few places where i can be alone, and yet not feel alone. where i have some time to myself to think abt things, or jus not think abt anything.
so strange.
been hearing this hymm..over and over the past week. somehow it brought me comfort and made me peaceful. funny cos i dont believe in God as in jesus, or hindu gods, or wat (no offence ok?) but i do believe there is someone out there watching over us. The one who-would-affectionately-call-me-yunyun.
i mean..who is to say who god is anyway? if he is so almighty, how can us mere mortals be fit to even utter his name, lest of all imagine the things tat he has done or is capable of doing? but yet, there are miracles tat happen to us every day, coincidences which cannot be explained, little things tat occur which make u pause, and wonder, if there is something greater than great out there, up there.
i always asserted tat the diff religions are manifestations of the true Him or Her, or even It. i still believe in that, but sometimes i do wonder if i believe so cos i'm too tired or given up or am lazy to think of how to believe that only me has the power to change things. but tats the science/practical/logical side of me. the other part knows tat its not jus logic and reason.
cos..many a time, my intuition and dreams and feelings..have proven me right..time after time.. its almost like i can sense things..even before they can happen..and i can tell u..its scary..something tat i kinda fear.. cos most of these feelings i get are translated into real life, and they come true..but as bad things..sickness.. parting..even death.. it scares me. lots. cos i have no idea who or where it will happen. its like..sometimes u say, hah! i knew tat would happen! or ahh! u see! i knew it!! but hor..its not as simple as liddat..not jus a simple matter of hindsight.
like today..something not very nice happened..and it was something i sensed some time back jus tat i chose to ignore it.. i wonder if i shld have said something.. but as usual i dont say in fear (or hope?) tat it wont come true. *hug for you honey* familiar feeling of deja vu coming over me.. wish i could help.. but i know there isn't much tat i can do.. and tats always the case.. i know something bad wil happen, but can't do anything abt it. then wats the pt of having ths feeling right! kao.
really tired out..these few days have been so busy and packed with all sorts of stuff i haven't had time to even breathe heh. and i swear my eyesight is getting so bad fr reading all those damn journals..600 journals leh..jus on ginger! wah lau.. 600 x 7 - 600 x 2 (cos materials and methods i can't be bothered to read thru) = 3000 over pages leh..of severely small fonts, and even smaller captions on graphs waiting to be deciphered. i'm going blind. and my stupid thumb is still numb and pins-and-needle-y..aiyah why liddat..
thinking out loud at 11:17 PM
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# posted by 
: 4:12 PM
: 4:12 PM