Tuesday, September 05, 2006

was chatting with a friend about the diff stages of grief. couldn't for the life of me rem wat the diff stages were. so off i went for a spot of info shopping.

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The Kubler-Ross model describes, in five discrete stages, the process by which people deal with grief and tragedy. Terminally ill patients are said to experience these stages. The model was introduced by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. The stages have become well known, and are called the Five Stages of Grief.

In the ensuing years, it was noticed that this emotional cycle was not exclusive just to the terminally ill, but also other people who were affected by bad news, such as losing their jobs or otherwise being negatively affected by change. The important factor is not that the change is good or bad, but that they perceive it as a significantly negative event.

The Grief Cycle can be shown as in the chart below, indicating the roller-coaster ride of activity and passivity as the person wriggles and turns in their desperate efforts to avoid the change.

The initial state before the cycle is received is stable, at least in terms of the subsequent reaction on hearing the bad news. Compared with the ups and downs to come, even if there is some variation, this is indeed a stable state.

And then, into the calm of this relative paradise, a bombshell bursts...
Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.
Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.
Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.
Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

Individuals may experience uncontrolled bouts of weeping, as reflected in the words of someone identified only as Colette, who said: "It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window . . . or one notices a flower in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed . . . or a letter slips from a drawer . . . and everything collapses."

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i found the last para especially true. i can hold my composure, keep the tears in check. but the moment someone shows me kindness, like in the form of a sms, kind words, or action, i can hold it in no longer. its just so strange and so ironic. almost as ironic as how shoes were invented to protect ur feet but they usually end up hurting and causing even more pain to you. mmm ok abit irrelevant. but the severity of irony is there.

but i guess all tat is needed is for some reaffirmation, that someone out there really still cares for u, tat u dun have to be strong all the time, tat u really aren't all alone facing the big unknown out there, which touches you and shines a lil light for u thru the inky darkness. isnt tat wat most of us want? to know tat we aren't alone in our journey thru life?

I'm standing on a bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound
Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
'Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Oh why is everything so confusing
Maybe I'm just out of my mind

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you

thinking out loud at 11:20 PM


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