Friday, February 13, 2009
candle.
vday doesnt hold much significance for me cos for a large part of my life, it was mainly overshadowed by another event.
my dad's bdae.
once a day i'd look forward to, its now replaced by tinges of nostalgia, disappointment, and mainly nonchalance.
i read on facebook about how my friends were daddy's girls. wistful, wishful.
it never ocurred for me to put that down, and i wondered why. i was once one too, i thought the world of him, that it was so cool my dad was in the CID, i believed everything he said, at night i'd look for him if i woke up feeling scared, tat sorta thing. mum was the disciplinarian and she was tough on me. dad was, well the one to go to for some breathing space and the fun all childhood memories shld be made up of.
but people come, people go. some partings are sweet, some leave a void you try to fill without much success.
you left me with no choice the day you left. i saw the car pull out, and the only answer i got was, 'daddy's moved to stay nearer his office.' i didnt even realise it was goodbye.
i'm not bitter, i've gone past it. but baggage is a strange thing. times when someone walks out on me like how the ex did, i jus wonder why, and wat i did wrong, or wat was it i didnt do.
regardless of who he left us for, why he left, watever half brothers and sisters i may have, the point is, ultimately, that he left. and he left me behind. i've accepted it, swallowed it down however hard it was to flush it down.
thank god for sanity and the little voice in the recesses that says, yet perhaps they left, cos they knew u'd do so much better without them.
save for the 'privileged' few, the rest of u guys have asked why you never see my dad, and this is why.
happy birthday, daddy. hope you have a good one.
thinking out loud at 10:06 AM
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